

My ribs felt broken, though that shouldn’t have been possible. My nostrils burned with the stench of rancid bologna and used diapers. I lay groaning and aching in the open Dumpster. Is anything sadder than the sound of a god hitting a pile of garbage bags? I plunged into a narrow canyon between two buildings and BAM! I tried to change into a cloud or teleport across the world or do a hundred other things that should have been easy for me, but I just kept falling. I visited my wrath upon Britney Spears at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards.īut in all my immortal life, I never before crash-landed in a Dumpster. I blessed Babe Ruth with three home runs in game four of the 1926 World Series. I inflicted a plague on the Greeks who besieged Troy.

In my four thousand six hundred and twelve years, I have done many things.
